


Valentine's Dan

by accrues, Erya



Series: Lucifer does Valentine’s Day [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Abuse of italics, Blowjobs, Established Chloe/Lucifer, F/M, Fluff, For my Douche on Valentine's Dan, M/M, Multi, Poor Dan, Random Acts of Pudding, Sex in a Car, Sex! In a car!, eventual OT3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:28:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9713378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accrues/pseuds/accrues, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erya/pseuds/Erya
Summary: Dan gets a Valentine. It leads to sex. In the convertible.Look, this isn't exactlyplot heavy.In which the author attempts to write a short, little PWP and her blasted beta/co-author/millstone-around-her-neck ruins everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Erya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erya/gifts), [shinygreenwords](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/gifts).



> So I was messaging Erya and accidentally typed 'Valentine's Dan' while talking about the plans I had with my partner and then I slipped.
> 
> We've been wanting convertible sex for a while so there. No I don't know why it's 4k either, let's just blame her.
> 
> Featuring an epilogue by Erya. Regarding everything else she denies all responsibility, which is probably typical.

‘What the hell is this?’ Dan slams the pink and white card down on the table in front of Lucifer. 

Lucifer, unfairly well groomed in his three-piece suit and dark purple shirt, doesn’t look up from the magazine he’s reading… is that _Cosmo_? Dan blinks, and shakes his head.

‘Don’t you like it, Daniel? I thought pink was just your colour.’ He turns a page and considers it a little closer. ‘Ooh, lovely. Look how _bendy_ he is.’ He turns the magazine around to show Dan a picture of some actor who is sitting in a somewhat improbable pose. Dan’s eyes flicker to the muscles standing taut in full view, holding the actor in place, and he swallows.

‘Besides,’ Lucifer finally puts the magazine down, taking up the card Dan had viciously abandoned instead. ‘I thought the sentiment was rather sweet.’

Inside the card, Lucifer had thoughtfully edited the phrase ‘to my love on Valentine’s Day’ to read ‘to my _douche_ on Valentine’s Da _n_ ’.

‘And you just _decided_ to leave this on my desk, where the whole precinct would see it.’ Dan draws a hand up onto his hip near his badge, rucking up his brown leather jacket, and leans his other hand against the table.

Lucifer sets the card down again and shrugs laconically. ‘I set it alongside all your other mail, Daniel. You’re the one making a scene.’

‘I-’ he pauses. ‘Look dude, I’m not _gay_ , okay? And given your relationship with Chloe, this is a little inna-’

‘Hey Lucifer!’ Ella Lopez, her shiny black hair swept up into a loose plait, gold necklaces glinting, waves a familiar looking card from across the bullpen. ‘Thanks for the card, dude! Happy V day!’ She holds her hand up in a peace v-sign, and disappears back into the lab.

Dan stands, hand still on his hip, mouth gaping open.

‘Sorry,’ Lucifer says, blinking far too innocently, ‘you were saying?’

Dan grits his teeth, and straightens up. ‘Never mind.’

On reflection, going back for the card after having stormed off in a huff probably didn’t really help matters.

-

‘Hey Dan.’ Chloe sweeps a piece of blonde hair out of her face distractedly, staring at her whiteboard. Her white shirt is woven with fine strands of a coppery-gold colour, and he watches them as they glint in the fluorescent light.

‘Hey, uh.’ Dan stands awkwardly by her empty desk. 

‘Hmm?’

‘Oh uh,’ he glances up at the board, at her gaze that hasn’t wavered. ‘Never mind. I’m good, I uh-’ the retreat he makes is tactical, okay? Time to regroup.

-

The fridge in the breakroom, he discovers, has not yet been laid to waste by one Lucifer Morningstar. In fact, is that pudding? Dan hadn’t restocked the fridge, and he _remembers_ eating his last dessert a week ago. But there it is, fully labelled in his own handwriting, sitting innocently on the shelf. Huh.

He carries himself over to a table, pudding in hand, and considers the situation.

He concentrates on the facts of the case - 

1\. It’s Valentine’s Day, and Lucifer had given him a card.  
2\. Ella had _also_ been given an identical card, and Lucifer’s definitely not hitting on her. Well, no more than usual.  
3\. Lucifer is in an emotional and physical relationship with _Dan’s ex-wife_.  
4\. Dan had been more cautiously pleased about the stupid card than he’d cared to admit.

Shit.

He takes a bite of pudding. It’s _really_ good.

-

Dan spends a little more time procrastinating his own pile of paperwork by sitting on the roof of the police-station and staring at the LA landscape.

‘Oh, _you’re_ here,’ the voice is unmistakably Lucifer’s, but Dan cranes his neck around anyway. ‘Ah well, I suppose no place is truly sacred.’ Lucifer approaches him, pulling a cigarette case out of his suit jacket. ‘Want one?’

Dan frowns, then accepts the cigarette. It’s been ages since he’s smoked anything, but what the hell, today has already been fraught with bad decisions, what’s one more vice?

Lucifer offers him a light then proceeds to apply the lighter to his own smoke. 

‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ Lucifer offers, standing next to Dan’s seated form and gazing over the city. ‘A bustle of industry, sex, and sand. Lovely.’

Dan only hears the word _sex_ , watching Lucifer’s fingers tighten on his cigarette as he pulls it away from his lips and exhales a lungful. Jesus, what is _wrong_ with him?

‘Uh,’ he says articulately. ‘Yeah.’ He pulls his gaze away and stares out at the city, taking a few drags. 

‘So uh, how’s Chloe?’

Lucifer twists his head to regard him, eyebrow raised. ‘Well, _Dan_ , I would have thought you would have more information on that than I- did you not take your sticky spawn to school this morning?’

‘You mean you haven't seen her since?’

Lucifer lifts one shoulder in a shrug, turning back to the city. ‘Haven't had cause, she's busy doing something dreadfully boring with a whiteboard and markers, and there are many better highs than those produced by marker pen.’

‘So you're just hanging out at the precinct for… unrelated reasons?’ Dan taps the cigarette against his thigh, more interested in it as a distraction than for nicotine purposes.

‘Well, it _is_ Valentine’s Day. I thought I'd try my hand at one of the local workplace customs.’

‘You've never given valentines before,’ Dan asserts skeptically. ‘You. LA’s Don Juan.’

‘Yes I am rather a dashing tragic figure, aren't I,’ Lucifer muses, flicking ash from his cigarette absently. ‘But no. Lux isn't that kind of business and my career beforehand involved more literal _rending_ of the human heart than is involved in your human Valentine customs.’ 

Dan has to pause to parse that speech and its accompanying graphic mental picture for a moment.

‘St. Valentine was nice enough I suppose. Had a whole obsession with angels that was kind of weird. And it lead to that whole Cupid thing. I mean, a baby in a nappy? Really?’

‘Look, I really don't know what you're talking about, man.’ Dan grounds his largely unsmoked cigarette out on the cement. ‘But like, you know, what's the deal with you and Chloe?’

‘Hmm? No deal,’ Lucifer shakes his head. ‘We go on dates sometimes. She sleeps over. It's very… domestic, I suppose.’

‘And you're what, monogamous now?’

Lucifer frowns, apparently considering that. ‘Well unless the situation requires it, perhaps.’

‘So you haven't talked about it.’ Dan concludes. ‘Got it.’

‘Why, are you offering?’

Dan is quiet, returning to their mutual staring over the city.

‘Ooh,’ Lucifer croons, the asshole. ‘You _are_! Well let's get on with it then.’

‘No!’ Dan waves a hand. ‘Look, sure, I can't pretend I haven't thought about it. But you're with _Chloe_ now. She's my _ex-wife_.’

‘Well perhaps she'd be amicable to a threesome? Love a good Devil’s Threesome.’

‘Yeah,’ Dan says, ‘I don't think that's going to work either.’

‘Well what do you _want_ , Daniel? Her _permission_?’

‘Yeah, maybe,’ he snaps back, not really thinking. ‘Communication is important for a relationship, remember?’

‘Well then, let's go get it.’

Of course.

-

‘Chloe?’

She's still staring at the board, though it is now littered with a new collection of clues. ‘Hmm?’ She queries.

‘Daniel and I are going to go have hot gay sex in my convertible.’ Lucifer explains.

‘Okay,’ she agrees absently.

‘ _That's_ your version of asking permission?’ Dan exclaims. Lucifer just looks at him, a quizzical expression on his face. Dan rolls his eyes. ‘C’mon Chlo, look at me for a moment.’

‘Hmm,’ she says, considering the board for another long moment, and then draws her gaze away. ‘What, Dan?’

‘Uh,’ Dan says, gormless. ‘Yeah, uh, me-and-Lucifer?’

She looks between them and then snorts. ‘What do you want from me, a blessing? I've been waiting for you to sort out whatever _this_ is for ages.’

‘Fabulous,’ Lucifer commends, clapping Dan on the shoulder. ‘Come on, Dan.’

‘Wait, _what_?’

‘Uh guys, I know it’s like, Valentine’s Day, but I’m trying to focus on this case.’ She’s fidgeting with her hair a little and Dan just stares at her.

‘Should we get a move on then, Dan?’ Lucifer offers, tugging a little where his hand still rests on Dan’s shoulder.

Dan goes with him. _Chloe_ goes back to her whiteboard.

-

‘What _I_ want to know,’ Lucifer muses conversationally, settling himself into one of the bucket seats of his convertible, ‘is how the bloody hell people actually manage car sex. A handie or so, I understand, but really,’ he gestures down at his knees. ‘This is just not manageable.’

‘Uh,’ Dan’s heart has been beating rabbit-quick ever since they left Chloe behind at the precinct. His palms are sweating, and he hasn’t really been able to hear a word anyone has said in that time either, past the ringing in his ears. He manages to open the door of the car, and slides himself in.

‘You really are quite monosyllabic today, Daniel,’ Lucifer observes, ‘or is that special only for me?’

‘I’ve never really done anything like this before,’ Dan admits, clenching his hands into fists where they sit in his lap.

‘What, had _sex_? I knew your little offspring had to be adopted, she’s far too douche-light.’

‘ _No_ ,’ Dan stresses, cheeks burning slightly. ‘With a _man_.’

‘Oh,’ Lucifer realises. ‘Well it’s quite simple, really,’ he explains. ‘Provided you don’t try anything too heavy duty.’ He navigates through an intersection where the light had been amber for arguably a little too long, looking nostalgic. ‘Just last time, I got particularly inventive with the car battery and-’

He looks over at Dan, who must have something close to nausea on his face. ‘But of course, simple is best, given your already limited capacity of grasping simple tasks.’

‘Thank you,’ Dan says drily. 

‘You’re quite welcome,’ Lucifer beams. 

Dan rolls his eyes. ‘Wait are we on _Sunset Boulevard_? Where the hell are we _going_?’

‘ArcLight,’ Lucifer says simply.

‘The movie theatre? I thought we were going to find somewhere to uh…’ he lets the sentence trail off.

‘Well I thought I’d treat you to dinner and a movie first, like a good proper date,’ Lucifer smirks.

Dan looks across at him, alarmed, and very aware of the growing arousal pooling in his stomach. ‘Not that I don’t… uh, appreciate that, uh-’

‘I’m just _kidding_ , Daniel.’ Lucifer shakes his head. ‘The top of the parking lot is famously fabulous for a good hard go when it comes to _coitus automobilus_. Good place for a smoke and a view afterwards too,’ he concludes, approvingly.

He pulls into the tower and winds his way to the top, all the while tapping along to the stereo with one hand on the wheel. 

‘There,’ he says, parking across three bays in the completely vacant lot, with a certain amount of satisfaction Dan is relatively sure is related to the parking violations. ‘Now Daniel, how would you like to do this? Personally, I’m happy getting my knees bruised, if you get my meaning. Well, figuratively bruised, given your ex isn’t here.’ His eyes are gleaming when they look over to Dan, and a wicked smile is spreading across his face. Dan flushes, but clears his throat, nodding a little. ‘Lovely,’ Lucifer approves, and folds himself out of the car.

Dan sits stock still. How is this happening? What is he _meant_ to do? His seatbelt is still safely fastened around him, having experienced Lucifer’s driving a few too many times. Lucifer is swift rounding the car, and he pulls the side door open.

‘For a douche,’ Lucifer says, leaning over into Dan’s space. ‘You’re quite fit.’ 

And then he leans in and _kisses_ Dan. It’s a shock, at first, and then Dan opens his mouth up a little, closing his eyes. 

Lucifer’s eyelashes tickle against his cheek, and Dan surges against him, teeth scraping a little as retribution for the douche comment. Lucifer, for his part, seems to enjoy that, making a pleased little purr in response. 

As if in challenge, Lucifer pulls back to nip a little at Dan’s lower lip, and Dan slides one hand to pop the seat-belt so that he can push up and grip the back of Lucifer’s head with the other, grinding their mouths together _hard_.

There’s a hand resting over Dan’s crotch now, gently massaging, not much, but present. He can’t help a little buck that makes their teeth click, and Lucifer makes another approving noise. Deft fingers navigate Dan’s belt, and while Dan laments the movement away from his dick, he can appreciate it for what comes next. Lucifer’s hand _in_ his pants rather than over it. 

Lucifer makes a gentle licking motion with his tongue against the roof of Dan’s mouth, and Dan sees stars. ‘Mhgm,’ he tries, and Lucifer moves back a little. Dan opens his eyes enough to see an amused smirk and Lucifer’s beautifully aroused dark eyes. ‘Yes,’ he tries again. ‘Yep.’

‘Monosyllabic again,’ Lucifer notes. ‘What shall we do with you? Ah,’ he slides his hand past the few layers of fabric and finds skin, where Dan’s dick has continued to thicken. ‘Well then, I see _somebody_ has the right idea.’

Dan growls a little at a particularly tight squeeze, as Lucifer wraps his clever fingers around the root, just below his balls. His hips stutter a little and he leans up, searching for Lucifer’s mouth. Lucifer rewards him with a sweet kiss, soft lips and wicked tongue. 

‘Pants down now, there’s a good lad,’ Lucifer huffs a little, pulling back. Dan looks down, at where Lucifer’s hand is trapped beneath the fabric. Lucifer draws his hand back a little, and Dan wiggles, pushing the waistband down a little just enough that he can pull his dick free from his underwear.

‘ _Lovely_ ,’ Lucifer purrs approvingly, looking down. ‘Well now, I see now why the Detective married you.’

‘Oh fuck you,’ Dan says without heat, pleased despite himself. 

‘Maybe a little later,’ Lucifer promises with a coy smile. ‘I’m a little bit busy right now.’

With that he sinks down to his _knees_ , Jesus Christ, and starts rocking forward.

‘Wait-’ Dan has a sudden realisation. ‘Hang on, uh, condom.’

‘Pfft,’ Lucifer makes a ridiculous dismissing noise. ‘I’m the _Devil_ , Daniel, you’re hardly going to knock me up.’

Yeah, as if a crazy belief that you’re a satanic entity is good protection against STDs, Dan thinks, and shakes his head. ‘Just, in my wallet.’ He pulls it out of his side pocket, and finds the latex, before ripping open the foil packet with his teeth. 

‘Yes well, I suppose you have the right of it,’ Lucifer agrees with a sigh. ‘I do know where that _member_ has been, after all.’ At Dan’s blank look he elaborates. ‘Charlotte Richards?’

 _Oh._ ‘You have some weird hangups, dude,’ Dan shakes his head, rolling on the condom. ‘She is one hot lady, even if she is the devil incarnate.’

‘No,’ Lucifer says crossly. ‘ _I’m_ the devil incarnate, or haven’t you been listening?’ He shakes his head. ‘Are you quite ready now, or do we have to have a good chat about the birds and the bees first?’

Dan grits his teeth and glares at him. ‘That’s the spirit,’ Lucifer says happily. ‘You’re lucky you’re pretty.’

‘Oh come on, if I’m not turned off by your… _you_ -ness, you have no reason to complain.’

‘Well I was crafted by the hand of God myself Daniel. I’m _perfect_.’

‘Wait, no, I was wrong,’ Dan says, rolling his eyes. ‘Definitely a turn-off.’

‘Oh shut up and let me suck your cock,’ Lucifer says impatiently. ‘Do you even _want_ this orgasm?’ He smirks, looking down. ‘Oh I see Little Dan likes that. At least _one_ of you has some sense.’

‘Are you going to insult me this whole time, or…?’

‘Well clearly you enjoy it,’ Lucifer says, mouth curving lewdly, ‘so yes.’

He leans down, arms bracing either side of Dan on the seat, and Dan’s heart-rate picks up even little more. Shit, this is really happening. The first touch of Lucifer’s lips make Dan’s feet slam to brace against the footwell of the car to stop his hips from fucking upward. He slides a hand around Lucifer’s neck, holding loosely, fingers brushing up against the soft curls at the nape.

‘Oh my _God_ ,’ he groans, as Lucifer slides down a little further and that damn mouth, always spouting insults and smart jokes, sucks a little bit against him. ‘ _Jesus_.’

And just as fast, it’s gone. Lucifer pulls back, Dan’s hand at the back of his neck grasping a little desperately.

‘Seriously?’ Lucifer complains. ‘I’m the _Devil_ , and you’re calling _His_ name?’

Dan looks at him blankly. What he really wants, more than anything, is Lucifer’s mouth again. At this moment, he’d probably consider selling his soul for it.

‘Uh,’ he says. ‘Sorry?’

‘Hmph,’ Lucifer looks only slightly mollified, but he lowers his head down again and it’s back, the sweet heat, even through the rubber, the feeling of suction, the movement up and down as Lucifer expertly bobs his head. It seems to last forever and simultaneously no time at all, the sweet, slick heat of Lucifer’s stupid, sinful mouth, driving Dan wild in a brand new way.

‘Shit, shit, shit,’ he gasps. Lucifer’s hands are moving down the seat to settle on his hips, and oh god, is he _encouraging him_? ‘Go- _Lucifer, yes_.’ He can’t help himself, he shifts his hand upwards to slide between those curls, and bucks upwards. Lucifer makes a happy little noise, causing Dan to grip a little tighter at his hair.

Any shred of restraint Dan might have been attempting to keep disappears in that instant, and he’s moving in a rhythm, up into Lucifer’s mouth, in the warm heat. He can’t stop watching, as Lucifer’s lips part on the thrusts in, watching his own dick slide out of his mouth as he settles down in the car seat.

One of the hands on Dan’s hip - Dan’s too far gone to figure out which - migrates across so that Lucifer is pushing up on one arm and wrapping the fingers of his free hand around the root of Dan’s dick in a loose fist and nudging slightly at his balls.

‘Shit, Lucifer, _yes_.’

He’s getting to a climax far too fast, it’s _embarrassing_. But the picture Lucifer paints, lips flushed and parted around his dick, the muscle in the arm bracing to keep him up over Dan’s lap straining, Dan can’t help himself.

It becomes too much, he’s at the very edge of holding himself together when he just can’t anymore, and he’s coming with a groan, eyes fluttering closed, shoulders hunching forward a little bit with the effort, waves of pleasure flooding his brain.

He’s panting by the time he’s conscious enough to open his eyes again, and Lucifer looks up at him, mouth sucking gently as he comes down, face like sin itself. Lucifer takes one more languid suck, and slides his mouth away with a slick popping sound.

‘Fuck,’ Dan pants, lifting the hand that had been wrapped around Lucifer’s neck up to his forehead. ‘Fuck.’

‘Hmm,’ Lucifer says, considering. ‘Not bad,’ he agrees, rocking back to sit down on his heels.

‘Fuck.’ Dan agrees, casting a gaze over his face, ‘that was-’

‘You’re welcome,’ Lucifer preens, smiling serenely. Dan rolls his eyes, annoyed and slightly relieved to back on familiar ground. 

‘You know the best thing about you giving me head?’ He half-snaps.

Lucifer smirks at him knowingly, rising to his feet and brushing dust off the knees of his pants. ‘The orgasm?’

Dan winces before giving him a half-hearted glare. ‘No-well, yes, but also you _not being able to talk_.’

He snorts. ‘If I'd known this was all it took to shut you up, I woulda done this _months_ ago.’

‘Hmph,’ Lucifer says airily, and adjusts his jacket. He rounds the car again, and settles in the driver’s seat. Dan is becoming suddenly, awkwardly, aware of his bare dick. He gingerly slides the condom off, and catches a glare from Lucifer at the mere thought of him getting anything on the car’s interior.

‘Trash?’ Dan queries, and Lucifer sighs long-sufferingly before pointing at a nearby trash can. Oh.

Dan awkwardly holds the condom in one hand and attempts to keep his pants up with the other, shuffling to get out of the car. Shit, beds are so much more convenient.

‘I did suggest we go latex-free,’ Lucifer says, obviously amused by Dan’s trials. ‘I would have swallowed. Much less cleanup involved.’

Dan swallows around the lump that has just formed in his throat. God. 

Joy of joys, he makes it to the trash can. ‘Espinoza?’

 _Fuck_. He whirls around, to see the open doors of the nearby elevator. There’s a uniformed cop, some new kid Dan hasn’t learned the name of yet, staring out of the elevator car.

‘Shit,’ he says. 

‘Uh,’ the guy says, craning around the elevator wall to look around the parking lot. ‘What-’

‘Hello,’ Lucifer calls brightly from the convertible, waving. Of course he does. Dan follows the guy’s line of sight.

‘I gotta-’ Dan says lamely, and straightens as best he can, marching back over to the convertible and ignoring the burn of eyes on his back. Lucifer has a cigarette out by the time he gets back, and Dan climbs back into the car somewhat stiffly.

‘Smoke?’ Lucifer offers, and Dan shakes his head.

‘Look, man, I-’ Dan gestures at Lucifer’s own lap where a distinct ride has started to form. 

Lucifer just shakes his head, ashing against the car door. ‘Enough orgasms for one moment I think. Unless you’d like to invite your lovely colleague there to join us.’

Dan shakes his head furiously, and Lucifer grins, turning the ignition. ‘Lovely. Well then, I’ll save this for your lovely ex-wife,’ he says decisively. ‘Care to join us?’

‘Oh shit, Chloe.’

Lucifer huffs an amused laugh. ‘Yes, the mother of your darling sprog. The third part of our soon-to-be threesome?’ Dan just stares at him. ‘Like I said,’ Lucifer says with a deep sigh. ‘You’re lucky you’re pretty.’

He pauses, considering. 

‘Lux?’

-

During the drive over to Lux, Dan sits back in his seat feeling vaguely shell-shocked while Lucifer taps along to the stereo between drags on his cigarette. 

‘Well,’ he says brightly after a pause, ‘Turns out Mum wasn't lying for once. You really are quite decent in bed. Or, well, you know,’ he grins, ‘in car.’

Dan stares at him, flushed, sticky and now _confused_.

‘...You are one very weird guy, has anyone ever told you that?’

Lucifer smirks. ‘They're usually too busy screaming my name.’ His dark eyes glint mischievously. ‘You remember, Dan.’ He puts on that godawful American accent. ‘Ohh, yesss, Lucifer, ohh!’

Dick. Dan can feel his face burning. Oh well there's nothing else for it. He kisses the dick to shut him up.

-

‘Wait. Did you forge my _handwriting_?’ Dan exclaims much later, fiddling with one of the buttons on his open shirt and thinking absently of random acts of pudding.

‘Yes of course,’ Lucifer affirms, stretching his neck. ‘What’s a little forgery between friends, eh Dan?’

‘ _Don’t forge my handwriting._ ’

 

/// _Epilogue_  
Some time and three mugs of tepid precinct coffee later, Detective Chloe Decker abruptly looks up from her mounting case files. 

Her eyes snag on Lucifer smirking at her smugly, every inch the cat who'd got the cream and Dan, sliding past looking shifty and guilty as all hell. 

Belatedly she recalls the conversation of two hours ago. 

She freezes.

‘Oh _crap_ ,’ she says to no one in particular. 

‘ _Lucifer_!’

-

Well, thinks Lucifer with profound satisfaction, now he's got all his douche-y little ducks in a row, surely it's just a matter of time to fun, sinful, _ménage à trois_ times. 

Lovely.

Lucifer has so many ideas.

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned for more (actual) OT3 + sex ON a car? With handcuffs?


End file.
